Ways to avoid circular arguments

Avoid knots in communication, or recurring circular arguments that keep going nowhere without ever getting resolved. These snarls of circular logic seem like endless loops and can take on a life of their own. Try to get at the underlying issues behind these kind of arguments, and view them as a puzzle for the both of you to solve.

 
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I am angry that she did not call me to say she would be late.
She resents that I am angry that she did not call to tell me she would be late.
I am hurt that she resents my anger at her not calling to tell me she would be late.
She did not call me to tell me she would be late because she wanted to see if I would be angry that she did not call.

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Now I am mad at her for trying to see if I would be angry if she did not call me to tell me she would be late.
She has called me immature because I am mad at her for trying to see if I would be angry if she did not call me to tell me she would be late.
I told her it was mean of her to not call me just to see if I would be angry at her for not calling to tell me she would be late.


You can see that the argument is going nowhere. If you followed it, you can also see that there are no real issues being discussed or resolved, only underlying anger and petty word play. Try to think of disagreements as opportunities to improve or understand your partner better. Though difficult to develop, this attitude will make almost any argument easier to resolve.